Jon Hamm is one of the most acclaimed actors of his time – not just for his Emmy and Golden Globe-winning performance in the Mad Men cast as Don Draper and other dramatic works but also for his stellar comedic timing, which he has demonstrated as an all-time great Saturday Night Live host and in other hilarious TV shows and movies. Relive these moments of comedy gold with our picks for some of the funniest Jon Hamm quotes.
“On A Bed Made Of Money” – Mad Men
A defining Don Draper moment from Mad Men occurs in the first season of the hits AMC period drama series. When asked how he sleeps at night making a living perpetuating lies, Jon Hamm’s 1960s-era ad executive drops this epic comeback.
“I’m A Man Of Faith. I Believe In Gosh And His Son, Jeepers…” – Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
Jon Hamm would prove that he can also play a despicable, albeit extremely kooky, villain with his role as Rev. Richard Wayne Gary Wayne on Netflix’s Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt, starring his former acting student, Ellie Kemper. When presenting his opening statement in a trial against him, the cult leader and captor attempts to convince the jury that he was merely exercising his religious beliefs but does not seem to have deities straight.
“I Believe We Outsource That Sort Of Thing” – Good Omens
Jon Hamm portrayed an unmerciful version of Gabriel the Archangel in the series adaptation of the satirical fantasy novel, Good Omens. He demonstrates the original Amazon Prime TV show’s clever modernization of biblical lore when answering Aziraphale’s (Michael Sheen) question about who summons the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse.
“A Lot Of Guys Come Up To Me And Say That They Totally Identify With Don Draper, Which I’m Pretty Sure Means That They Just Really Wanna Cheat On Their Wife” – Saturday Night Live
Among his many defining qualities – from his drinking and smoking habits to his talent for whipping up a winning ad slogan on the spot – Mad Men‘s Don Draper is, perhaps, best known as an unfaithful serial womanizer. Jon Hamm would address in his monologue from the second time he hosted Saturday Night Live.
“And I Just Refilled The Cans” – Archer
In the two-part Season 4 finale of one of the best animated TV shows, Archer, Jon Hamm lent his voice to Captain Hazel “Hank” Murphy – a character who originated on the classic animated adventure series, SeaLab 2020 and was later parodied on Sealab 2021. The misguided underwater laboratory leader meets a bitter end when he is crushed by a soda vending machine, which might have been a little lighter had he not recently replenished it.
“You Are No Longer My Number 3!” – Bridesmaids
Jon Hamm gives one of the most hilarious, scene-stealing performances in his uncredited role in the Bridesmaids cast as Ted, who shares a purely physical, one-sided relationship with Annie (Kristen Wiig). However, her status as one of his top three side pieces comes to an end when she decides she has had enough of him, prompting him to utter one of Bridesmaids‘ best one-liners as he drives away.
In one of the best 30 Rock episodes, Liz Lemon (creator Tina Fey) starts dating Dr. Drew Baird (Jon Hamm), whose handsomeness has allowed him to live in a bubble of blissful ignorance all his life. When she compares his look to a “Disney Prince,” he reveals that he was the actual inspiration for Ariel’s love interest in 1989’s The Little Mermaid, which is one of the most believable gags from the otherwise absurd sitcom.
“You Can’t Turn The Interior Of A Car Into A Urinal” – Clear History
In the 2013 HBO original movie Clear History, Jon Hamm plays electric car manufacturer Will Haney, whose argument with marketing executive Nathan (Larry David) causes the latter to back out of the deal, which he later comes to regret. One point of their conflict is Will’s rejection of an idea for a device installed in the vehicle that allows the driver to urinate while on the road.
“I Do Not Sully The Temple Of My Celestial Body With Gross Matter” – Good Omens
Being a heavenly angel blessed with eternal life means that you could probably eat any food you wanted without consequence. However, Jon Hamm’s vain iteration of Gabriel the Archangel from Good Omens still balks at the idea when he spots Aziraphale at a sushi restaurant.
“Sergio!” Saturday Night Live
In the hilarious SNL Digital Short, “The Curse,” Andy Samberg plays a businessman whose life is ruined by a spell that causes him to experience random, disruptive visits by a saxophone player named Sergio (Jon Hamm). The mysterious musician’s appearances are capped off when breaks the fourth wall and blurts out his name in a nondescript accent, accompanied by a caption at the bottom right-hand corner.
“Imagine That It Was 2009” – Billy On The Street
Jon Hamm appears in an episode of Billy on the Street in which he and Billy Eichner ask random bystanders if they would have relations with both of them. Eichner mentions that the actor does not get the buzz he used to so Hamm asks one woman to recall a time when he was on top of the world.
“I Don’t Think About You At All” – Mad Men
Perhaps the ultimate Don Draper quote (or, more accurately, insult) comes from the Season 9 Mad Men episode, “Dark Shadows.” After a disgruntled Michael Ginsberg (Ben Feldman) tells Draper that he feels bad for him and his high and mighty attitude, the executive drops this scintillating burn right before leaving the elevator.
“Everyone Wants To See A Middle-Aged Superman, With The Power Of Handicapped Parking” – Conan
In 2010, Jon Hamm was rumored to be considered to play Superman, which Conan O’Brien enthusiastically brought up when the actor appeared on his self-titled TBS talk show that year. The then-39-year-old then responded by poking fun at what a version of the Man of Steel portrayed by him might be like.
“That Rat Was A Devil’s Trick. Just Like When The Devil Made It SOUND Like I Was Arguing With A Pizza Guy About What A Half Hour Means” – Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
In a funny flashback from Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt, the still-captive title character confronts Jon Hamm’s Rev. Richard Wayne Gary Wayne about evidence she found suggesting the world had not ended after all. He tries to convince her that the rat she discovered was not real but a satanic illusion, much like when she thought she heard the reverend trying to score a free pizza delivery.
“Thank You For The, Literally, Hundreds Of Opportunities You Have Given Me” – Parks And Recreation
One of Jon Hamm’s best random cameos occurs in the Season 6 finale of Parks and Recreation, in which he plays the most incompetent person Leslie Knope (Amy Poehler) has ever worked with, Ed. After announcing he has lost a very important document, Knope promptly gives him the shaft, which accepts before courteously thanking her for his many undeserved chances.
“‘What’s Up, Hamm Solo?'” – Saturday Night Live
SNL‘s fake compilation of Star Wars: The Force Awakens auditions mostly features cast members impersonating famous actors but does feature a few celebrities appearing as themselves, such as Jon Hamm. The actor shows he is clearly a fan of the Star Wars movies by showing up in full costume – not as Harrison Ford’s Han Solo as one might assume but as a similar character of his own creation.
“Would It Be Possible For Me To Be Sent To A Women’s Prison?” – Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
In the Season 1 finale of Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt, Jon Hamm’s Rev. Richard Wayne Gary Wayne is thankfully found guilty of intentionally holding Kimmy and other young women captive for personal gain. He lets the blinds come down completely as he is being escorted out of the courtroom by requesting that he be locked up with other females.
“Stay Calm. I Just Need To Shake It Loose” – 30 Rock
Liz Lemon’s absent-minded boyfriend from Season 3 of 30 Rock, Drew Baird, must have been able to become a certified pediatrician purely because of his looks and not for his intelligence. Otherwise, he would have known the Heimlich maneuver instead of assuming that shaking the obstruction loose or pushing it down were acceptable choking remedies.
“They’re All Gone. I Had Them Murdered” – The Graham Norton Show
While appearing on the popular U.K. talk show, The Graham Norton Show, Jon Hamm tells a story about how Mad Men producers initially believed he was not attractive enough to play Don Draper. Fellow guest Charlize Theron then asks if they are blind and if they are “still alive and working” in the industry, which inspires Hamm to make this joke.
“We Should Definitely Start Using The ‘Ambitious Susan'” – Curb Your Enthusiasm
Jon Hamm became one of the absolute best Curb Your Enthusiasm guest stars when he appeared as himself shadowing Larry David as research for a role inspired by the comedian. Through spending so much time with Larry, he begins to take on some of his most despicable characteristics, such as when he belittles a fellow dinner party guest with this joke after she says that the term “Lazy Susan” has racist and misogynistic connotations.
“If You Can Find A Better Place For Pork And Champagne, Keep It To Yourself” – Saturday Night Live
“Hamm & Bublé” (pronounced “bubbly” in this case) is both a great SNL sketch featuring the host as themselves (Jon Hamm) and a great SNL sketch featuring a famous musician (musical guest Michael Bublé). It is framed as an ad for a restaurant specializing in ham and champagne (sometimes used together), which the Canadian crooner tries to discreetly reveal he is being forced to participate in by this hilariously misguided and controlling version of Hamm.
“I Was The Number One Dead Horse Removal Service For Local Farmers” – Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
One of Jon Hamm’s funniest moments as Rev. Richard Wayne Gary Wayne on Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt sees him filming an audition tape to be on The Apprentice. He discusses his successful business removing the corpses of deceased farm horses before revealing that some of his competitors became suspicious when too many horses were dying in his area.
“Apparently, I’m Here To Help You Sit Down” – The Greatest Event In Television History
The first episode of Adult Swim’s four-part, mockumentary-style miniseries The Greatest Event in Television History chronicles Adam Scott and Jon Hamm’s recreation of the opening credits of Simon & Simon, which is so disastrous that Hamm suddenly and mysteriously dies. In the third episode, Hamm comes back as a ghost to help Scott get over his inability to sit in a chair for his recreation of the opening titles for Too Close for Comfort.
During Jon Hamm’s first interview with Conan O’Brien (from his last year at Late Night), the actor’s reputation as a Hollywood hunk was addressed. The actor jokingly discussed the “precautions” he has had to take to make others feel more comfortable when interacting with him due to this extreme handsomeness and commended the late-night talk show host for his ability to look directly at him.
“Automatically, We Go To Hebrew And Then It’s Gonna Be A Whole Thing” – Keeping Up With The Joneses
In the 2016 spy comedy Keeping Up with the Joneses, Jon Hamm and Gal Gadot play a couple whose hidden lives as secret agents are uncovered by their average neighbors, played by Zach Galifianakis and Isla Fisher. They also discover that they do not have the perfect marriage, sometimes demonstrated by Gadot’s character and her tendency to berate her husband in a language he does not understand when she is irritated with him.
“She’s A Pirate, Price, And My Jolly Roger Was At Full Mast The Whole Drive Over” – Saturday Night Live
Jon Hamm delivers a gut-busting impersonation of James Mason in SNL‘s “Vincent Price’s Halloween Special” sketch. The actor arrives at the home of the horror movie icon (played by Bill Hader) with Sunset Boulevard‘s Gloria Swanson who claims her Halloween costume is a pirate, prompting Mason’s in-poor-taste joke.
“Can You Just Imagine That These Are On You Now?” – Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
In Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt, during the trial against Rev. Richard Wayne Gary Wayne, the cult leader is, somehow, able to manipulate everyone in the courtroom by Kimmy. For instance, he fails to perform a handcuffs escape trick in front of her and just decides to see if she will play along with it, to no avail.
“If Anyone Wants To Hang, I Will Be At Subway!” – Parks And Recreation
Following his Season 6 cameo on Parks and Recreation as Ed, Jon Hamm reprises the role in the Season 7 premiere. We see him finally leave City Hall but not without letting people know they find him at a certain restaurant chain at an unspecified location. Good luck spotting him!
“That’s It! Bite The Head, Gary. Bite The Head Hard!” – Saturday Night Live
In Season 36, SNL produced a partially live-action version of “The Ambiguously Gay Duo” starring Jon Hamm as Ace and Jimmy Fallon as Gary. The hilarious pre-recorded bit ends the very suggestive sight of the duo trying to defeat a giant killer eel, with Ace securing its tail from between his legs, forcing Gary to bite its head off.
“Of Course There Does! Otherwise, How Would We Win It?” – Good Omens
A main plot point in Good Omens is Gabriel’s push to bring forth the Apocalypse and incite war between angels and demons. When Aziraphale pleads that there does not need to be a heavenly war, he only has this to say.
“My Ponytail Is Cool. God Said So” – Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
Rev. Richard Wayne Gary Wayne attempts to fight Kimmy Schmidt’s insult about his hair by claiming it has approval from the Almighty.
“To Be In Star Wars When I Grow Up” – The Tonight Show
On The Tonight Show, when gathering words and phrases for a game of “Mad Libs Theatre,” Jimmy Fallon asks Jon Hamm to give him a childhood birthday wish. As he gives his answer, he glares enviously at fellow guest Keri Russell, who was in 2019’s Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker.