While his father-in-law Arnold Schwarzenegger had the courage and principles to outright endorse Kamala Harris heading into the 2024 election, Chris Pratt chose a different path. In fairness, Pratt did not endorse Trump, because he is smart enough to know how that will go. Nor did he endorse Kamala, because let’s be real: He doesn’t want her to win.
How can I say that? Well, instead of a political endorsement, Chris Pratt decided to ladle out a milquetoast op-ed about the wholesome all-American values of good sportsmanship. Yup. This puppy is some jarringly bland hokum that pines for the good ol’ days when the family sat around the table and listened to Dad talk about football.
Folks, I’m not even joking. Via Maria Shriver’s Sunday Paper, a publication I did not know existed until this very moment, which I’m guessing was the whole point of this exercise. (Maria, you are a Kennedy, and not the weird whale juice one. What in the hell?)
Imagine being at the dinner table, us wide-eyed kids eating the casserole du jour, hanging on dad’s every word. I would peruse his high school yearbook, find the black and white photo of him standing broad as a mountain wearing number 76. All-State tackle, Dan Pratt. He told us kids that the Unocal 76 Gas station in town was actually symbolic of his high school jersey number. I believed that one for way too long, because football was that important.
In a nutshell, Pratt’s theme is that no matter who loses in the election, we should all look to the example of the time his wrestling coach made the team help an old lady move. It wasn’t about winning or losing, you see. It was about something bigger. That’s what we should all be doing on Wednesday morning, for the Gipper.
So, be a good sport. We need you. Our country needs you. Team Red, Team Blue, and Team “Didn’t Even Vote,” too. Your civic duty can be uniquely exercised on November 5th, but there is an even bigger civic duty required the next day: which is to accept the results and focus instead on showing up for each other.
Check in with your neighbor—especially if they voted for the other guy or girl. Ask how they’re doing. See how you can help. And while you’re at it, see if they know any old ladies who need help moving.
What I love most about Pratt’s little fireside chat here is that I’ve been thinking about how many conservative dudes I know who get tears in their eyes about how playing sports builds MEN, yet they will act like the biggest piss-baby sore losers if the election goes south for Trump. How do I know this? Because they tried to overthrow the freaking government.
Conveniently left out of Pratt’s homage to the good old days of football dads holding court over the supper table is a little event called January 6. Not once does he bring that up, but instead, lectures both sides on graciously accepting defeat as if Kamala losing runs the risk of sparking another insurrection or a brief flirtation with civil war.
Goddamn, Star-Lord. Glad you didn’t endorse Trump, but you really made it clear that you wanted to. Mission accomplished.