Donald Trump and his loyal Republican backers might think everyone in the world wants to be an American, but history shows that all of our neighbors couldn’t care less about the so-called privlege. The soon-to-be president is threatening to annex everything from other countries to independent territories, and the diatribe is quickly wearing patience thin across the globe.
Fox News‘s favorite moron, Jesse Watters, might view Canada’s outright refusal to become America’s 51st state “personally offensive,” but our neighbors to the North made their desire to stay distinctly non-American clear even before the countries inception. Though things have always been fairly amicable between the two North American countries, Canada has never shied away from protecting her borders.
1. Benedict Arnold’s march on Quebec (1775)
Before America officially declared itself independent from the British, the Colonial Army moved against Canada. Americans hoped that by taking the strategically positioned city of Quebec, they could not only get a leg up on the Brits but also convince the French-Canadians to join their cause.
It was none other than the notorious General Benedict Arnold, alongside General Richard Montgomery, who led the charge northward during the fall of 1775. Their expedition was doomed to fail. Cold weather combined with poorly managed supplies quickly debilitated many of their troops and despite ample help in the form of food, medicine, and shelter from Canadian citizens, the local population showed zero interest in joining the rebellion.
The expedition finally reached the fortified city of Quebec in December. Arnold launched the first assault with no cannons during a blizzard with just over half of the 11,000 men he left Boston with. His supporting general died during the incredibly brief siege, and Arnold had no choice but to retreat and return home with less than a quarter of the men he started with.
Around five years after the incident, an embittered Arnold switched sides, leaving the Revolutionaries in favor of the British monarchy.
2. The War of 1812 (1812-1814)
While the War of 1812 was primarily a conflict between America and Great Britain, the fighting took place on Canadian soil. Before 1870, the Great White North was another colony for the British Empire, a fact that didn’t sit well with recently liberated Americans. The war had plenty of other causes, but one key factor was the United States’ threat to annex some or all of Canada — though some historians believe it was just a scare tactic.
Americans expected little to no resistance from Canadians, whom they believed would flock to the U.S. for independence. Thomas Jefferson, who was president at the time, even wrote that the acquisition would “be a mere matter of marching.” They couldn’t have been more wrong.
Canadians had no desire to be annexed by their southern neighbor, especially after General William Hull promised them “war, slavery, and destruction” if they didn’t acquiesce. His threats drove Canadians to mount a stalwart defense, and every major attack ended in failure — though small raiding parties did find success. One even managed to burn York — modern-day Toronto — to the ground. Canadians burned Washington D.C. in retaliation a year later.
The war ended with neither America nor Great Britain advancing their agenda, and Canada remained under British control until 1867.
3. The Pork and Beans War or Aroostook War (1838-1839)
Named for a food popular among lumberjacks, the Pork and Beans War — more like an international incident, really — was a brief skirmish along the border between New Brunswick and the freshly formed state of Maine. The area was contested land, with lumberjacks from both sides regularly butting heads when they logged in the disputed zone.
The altercation resulted in zero combat deaths — though one Canadian lumberjack was mauled by a black bear during a standoff with an American. It came to a head after an American land agent confiscated oxen and wagons from Canadian lumberjacks, who in turn crossed the border and imprisoned him.
The U.S. and British governments got involved, and the U.S. eventually ceded lands to Great Britain in return for a serious chunk of change.
4. The Pig War (1859)
The peaceful outcome of the Aroostook War greatly impacted the peaceful negotiation of the Pig War — which might be the silliest near-conflict of all time. The entire kerfuffle started after an American farmer killed a Canadian pig that was eating his crops on an island that both countries had claim over.
British authorities were dispatched to the island to evict the farmer, but 64 American soldiers were waiting for them when they arrived. Rather than start a war “over a squabble about a pig,” the British officer refused to attack. Instead, the small armies occupied the island for more than 10 years, peacefully holding the line until the San Juan Islands were declared American territory in 1872.
5. The Fenian Raids (1866-1871)
Less of a war and more of a tiny rebellion’s elaborate ransom scheme, The Fenian Raids lasted five years. A group of Irish patriots known as the Fenian Brotherhood endeavored to secretly take portions of Canada to ransom back to Great Britain in exchange for Ireland’s freedom, but the harebrained scheme never amounted to much.
Several raids were quickly put down by the Canadian military while more failed to manifest at all. Their most successful attempt came in 1866, after 1000 Fenians captured Fort Erie. Canada dispatched a group of some 20,000 militia volunteers, but as veterans of the American Civil War, the Fenians were much better fighters than the volunteer force. Though they were outgunned and had few supplies, the Fenian Brotherhood outperformed the green soldiers and their untested Canadian officers, driving them off in sound defeat.
Their luck quickly ran out when they encountered a regiment of British and Canadian soldiers, however, and when the Fenians retreated back to the United States, their leader was arrested. The Brotherhood would try to raid Canada again in 1870, but they never managed to take another fort.