Club World Cup draw LIVE: Chelsea, Man City and more find out group opponents

Oh, there’s more. The trophy comes with a key. Infantino puts the key in the trophy and…it sort of opens up and spins into two pieces. Splendid craftsmanship no doubt.

Do we even need the football? Let’s just have a month’s worth of talking and back-patting and name-dropping and showing off amounts of money, that would be just magnificent.

Infantino is genuinely excellent at each of those after all.

Aha, some relevance. A new trophy is being unveiled! Gianni Infantino left the stage about 30 seconds ago, now he comes back on stage with Ronaldo – the real one – to unveil the trophy.

A dark cover is lifted off and the new Club World Cup trophy is displayed – it’s pretty big, very round and looks to be engraved with different areas of the world and a lot of other stuff.

“This is completely new trophy and I’ve asked why they didn’t do this one before! It’ll be amazing, 32 teams to be the best, big money for the clubs and this beautiful trophy. For the captains to lift it will be tough!” Ronaldo says.

“It’s a unique, iconic trophy,” Infantino says. “Different languages, the history is written there, the moon positions of the first matches and names of all clubs and confederations – everything is engraved for entenity.”

Now the promo video, the intro with teams and goals and all that jazz, with a dramatic voice overlay telling us what to expect. New rivalries will be forged, places in history will be claimed. A star studded cast battling for eternal glory. So on and so forth.

Honestly, we’ll be there soon with the actual draw. Presumably.

Oh my word. Infantino introduces a special video which starts with…Donald Trump.

“I know him as ‘Johnny’, he’s a winner and a president, I’m a president, soccer is going through the roof as everyone knows. Barron is a very big fan and a very good player,” the incoming US chief tells us.

“I was very responsible in getting [the World Cup],” he adds.

Back on stage, Infantino thanks Ivanka Trump and family for being in place.

Perhaps we’ll get to the football shortly.

“Something was missing,” Infantino says. “Something to show us who the best club in the world is.”

Isn’t that what the InterContinental Cup was for and all the smaller versions of this competition? Apparently not.

“Now we have it,” he assures us.

Infantino thanks DAZN – the broadcasters for the competition – for their “historic” agreement. The matches will all be screened live and free to air.

We have indeed started…with a music video highlighting Miami and Fifa. “Football unites the world” appears to be one of the big messages, along with Fifa knows how to party. Great stuff, really top.

Emilio Estefan, a Cuban-American producer who was involved with the video, is on stage to explain…well, why it happened.

Samantha Johnson is our host and she’s getting us properly underway now, inviting Gianni Infantino on stage to talk about “the Miami vibe”. “Football or soccer, call it as you want,” he invites us. Magical.

A quick reminder of the clubs, their pots and all the badges you never knew you needed to know.

Fifa assure us their programme for the draw will start at 18.00 which is great, but also not so great, as that has already come and gone without sign of a start.

Perhaps a sign of things to come in a tournament which is trying to force itself to be bigger than many hold it as.

In Europe, we should probably limit that too – South American sides and fans have long enjoyed participation and victory in this competition in all its guises, from the InterContinental Cup and the previous Club World Cup iteration and through to now.

We are just about there for go-time and the draw lies ahead of us. Will Fifa break with the usual trend and forgo video montages, self-congratulatory speeches and terrible one-liners that nobody thinks are funny?

They might, but we shouldn’t expect they will.

It is a football draw, after all.

The first edition of Fifa’s new Club World Cup format will take place at the end of this season from 15 June until 13 July.

Football’s governing body has sought to ramp up interest in a competition that is currently considered little more than a footnote on the European campaign, with the Champions League winners often facing a trip across the globe against vastly undermatched opposition.

The last 11 iterations have been won by Europe’s representatives, with Brazilian club Corinthians interrupting the monopoly by beating Chelsea in 2012. Fifa is aiming to reignite interest, expanding the seven-team tournament into a controversial 32-team spectacle that will significantly impact competing clubs’ time for recovery.

Here’s everything you need to know.