The internet has called for man to leave his fiancé after he asked for him to put his son up for adoption.
A 26-year-old man (r/ took to the popular Reddit forum “Am I The A******?” to reveal a heart-wrenching dilemma—his fiancé of three years wanted him to give up his son after they got married. The post quickly gained attention, receiving over 8,000 upvotes.
He shared his difficult journey as a teen, coming out as gay at 15, only to have his parents convince him he was “confused” and should be intimate with a woman to “understand.”
“I slept with a girl after a party, I didn’t like it, but a few months later, she told me she was pregnant.”
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When his son was born, the mother disappeared, leaving the young father to raise his child with the help of his parents until they kicked him out at 18. Despite these hardships, he rebuilt his life, met his fiancé at a coffee shop, and thought he had found a loving partner for both himself and his son.
“My son absolutely adores him… I thought my fiancé loved him too,” he wrote. But everything changed during a recent wedding planning conversation when he asked if his son could be the ring bearer or best man.
“My fiancé stared at me… and said why would my son be at our wedding if we were putting him up for adoption?”
The poster was stunned when his fiancé suggested they should adopt children unrelated to either of them to avoid unfairness, arguing that the child’s origins made him “unworthy” of their future family.
During a heated exchange, the fiancé claimed the poster would love future adopted children more and that he should even hate his son because of the traumatic circumstances of his conception.
The OP ultimately chose his son over his fiancé, who left but later texted, insisting they could still adopt another boy once they were married.
Now, the poster is struggling with how to explain the situation to his son, who is eagerly awaiting the wedding. He’s unsure whether he’s overreacting or if he should cancel the wedding altogether. He has since deleted the post from Reddit.
Expert Weighs In
Thomas Banta, a clinical mental health counselor from Indiana, shared his professional perspective.
“In relationship situations, there’s usually some grey area or nuance,” he said. “But this is one of the exceptions. This is not just a red flag, but a blaring siren to get out of this relationship. The partner is talking about OP’s son as if he’s a foster dog to return when inconvenient. A child is one of those non-negotiables; everything else comes second. OP should trust his gut and cancel the wedding.”
In terms of how to communicate this to his son, Banta advised: “Children tend to feel responsible when adult relationships end. Telling him about the fiancé’s true feelings would only fuel that conflict. I recommend keeping it vague but clear that the relationship is over.”
Reddit Reacts
Redditors were equally appalled by the fiancé’s behavior, urging the poster to end the relationship immediately.
One user wrote: “CANCEL. THAT. WEDDING! You wouldn’t be the asshole for cancelling—you’d be the hero. You’d be protecting your son from an eternity of alienation and saving him from the pain of realizing ‘new dad’ doesn’t really love him.”
Another commenter, Ranee_22, added: “His fiancé suggesting to adopt another ‘boy’… I can see him trying to replace your son. Choose your son and your mental peace.”
A third user warned: “100% FOR SURE, if you marry him and adopt another child, that child will be the golden child, and your son will spend his whole life feeling second tier.”
The overwhelming consensus was clear: prioritize the son, cancel the wedding, and move on.
Newsweek reached out to the poster for comment via Reddit.
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