DEAR ABBY: My wife and I are both in our mid-50s. Due to a medical issue she has, we rarely have sex. I don’t really think about it very often anymore. Meanwhile, I have a friend, “Edie.” We have been friends for a good few years now. I met her in my side job as a handyman. She’s in her 80s.
My wife has met Edie and calls her my “girlfriend” in a joking manner, at least I think so. From time to time, Edie would drop little sexual remarks, which, at first, I never noticed. When I recognized them, I never really thought much about them.
One day recently, Edie was having a bad day and was crying about wanting to feel alive. One thing led to another, and we wound up having sex. Now she has “awakened” and always wants to engage in sex when I see her. Until now, I never cheated on my wife in all the years we have been married, and it weighs on my mind heavily.
I love my wife and don’t want to lose her or the relationship we have. I also don’t want to ruin the relationship I have with Edie, if that’s possible, who is just a good friend and nothing more. Edie’s health is starting to get a little touchy and, per her family history, she will live only a few more years. She doesn’t really have many friends or family to spend time with her.
Can I keep my wife and my friendship with Edie? Please give me some good advice as I struggle with what to do. –– GOOD HUSBAND AND FRIEND
DEAR HUSBAND/FRIEND: Wake up! I have news for you. Since you started servicing Edie, she has become something other than a “good friend,” and you have become in a sense her boy toy.
If you love your wife, stop the burgeoning affair now before it blows out of control and your wife finds out. If you allow this to continue, your wife will be hurt, and chances are good that your marriage will be destroyed.
DEAR ABBY: My 28-year-old son was killed by a semi in a hit-and-run. We didn’t find out for weeks until he was identified by fingerprints. My husband and I were faithful members of a church congregation. Many times, I was in charge of the nursery. For three months prior to the accident, I had been keeping a child for a church member at no charge because her dad was sick with cancer.
When my son was killed, Abby, not one person sent a casserole or even called me. Of course, I didn’t go to church for a couple weeks. But no one, including the preacher, reached out! Since then, I no longer attend that particular congregation. Am I expecting too much? — SO HURT IN THE SOUTH
DEAR SO HURT: Please accept my sympathy for the tragic loss of your son. As an active member of that congregation, you expected more of a response than universal silence. More than one person dropped the ball after your tragedy, and under the circumstances, your hurt is natural. You did the right thing by changing churches, and I hope you are receiving emotional support from the new congregation you have joined.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.