A woman who never understood why someone wouldn’t want kids—until she had them—has shared her thoughts on child-free-by-choice women in a viral TikTok video.
Allison DuBois has wanted to be a mom ever since she could remember, but she admits underestimating how difficult it would be. “I understand more so now than ever a woman’s decision to not have children,” the mom-of-two told Newsweek. “I have respect for the people that can think through that process and come to a conclusion that is very much against society’s expectations and standards for them.”
The 35-year-old therapist recently voiced the struggles of parenthood and praised those who opt against it online. So far, the October 14 clip shared to @mentalli_unwell has gathered over 483,000 views.
TikTok/@mentalli_unwell
A Message ‘From a Mother to a Non-Mother’
DuBois, who has two children under 2, from Chicago, Illinois, told Newsweek about the video that has almost 40,000 likes.
She said that the video was a response to a comment on another one of her clips that shows how she sings when her toddler screams in the car.
DuBois said: “Many people were arguing in the comments and voicing their opinions, and one girl said she never regretted not having kids.
“I wanted to respond from a mother to a non-mother to say that I get it, and it doesn’t ever offend me. It does the opposite.
“I’m impressed by their level of self-awareness and ability to see parenting for what it is—a big deal and hard,” DuBois said.
“It makes me sad that so many of us are sold an idealized fantasy of what motherhood is when, in reality, it’s much messier. Not to mention how isolated we are these days. I just wanted to let her, and many other child-free-by-choice women, know that I see them, and I no longer judge them.”
DuBois concludes the video by saying, “I think if you’re not 100 percent committed to being a mom, don’t do it,” adding, “you have to want it with every fiber of your being, or you’re going to resent that choice.”
Ana Aznar, a child psychologist, previously spoke to Newsweek about why some parents may regret their decision.
The founder of REC Parenting, an online platform supporting parents and caregivers, said: “Parents can adore their children and at the same time experience intense anger, resentment, boredom, stress, and even regret.
“However, it is important to bear in mind that parents who regret having kids report being less satisfied with their life and are more likely to experience depression and parental burnout. If this is your case, I would advise you to talk to a friend or reach out to a therapist,” Aznar added.
The video has resonated with others, and many people in the comments are singing the poster’s praises.
“We can all love and respect each other’s choices. Women need to support women,” commented one user, and another wrote: “44 and child-free. Most people describe us as ‘selfish.’ This is a refreshing and appreciated take.”
DuBois told Newsweek: “I think women who don’t want to have children have a bad rep, especially in our current social and political climate, where women/people without children are being told they matter less in society, even to the point where some individuals believe their vote should matter less. It’s nuts.
“I must say that I used to judge and didn’t understand. I think that partly comes somewhat from a lack of empathy and understanding of people who are different from you, which sometimes doesn’t come until we get older, if it comes at all,” DuBois said.
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