It’s no mean feat to have a scrum as dominant as the All Blacks’ against England, yet stumble and bumble to a one-point victory.
Saturday night’s first Test was accompanied by all the usual, nauseating crap about a new era and happy camp.
In the wake of the home team’s 16-15 victory there’s also been the predictable excuses about a short preparation and first-Test rustiness.
Look, we can cheerlead for this team as long as we want. But, the truth is that endlessly praising people and celebrating mediocrity has left All Blacks rugby in the parlous state we see now.
All Black Head Coach Scott Robertson talks to the press following the International Test Match between New Zealand All Blacks and England. (Photo by Joe Allison – RFU/The RFU Collection via Getty Images)
If that’s what you want, then shake those pom-poms to your heart’s content.
Me? I was looking for a statement at Forsyth Barr Stadium.
I was looking for some discernible evidence that, despite the similarity in playing personnel, this new coaching group was going to differentiate itself from what we’ve seen since the All Blacks’ fortunes began to decline in 2017.
I watched the game with a group of blokes steeped in rugby. Fellas with an abiding love of the All Blacks and a belief in the mysticism of the black jersey.
They were all up and about for the first few minutes, but mightily discouraged by the end. My issue with the All Blacks in recent years is they’ve been clueless.
They have one trick – which is to try and go around every opponent – and, when that fails, they’re flummoxed.
I don’t want to see speculative crosskicks. I’m tired of ponderous halfbacks who resort to shallow box kicks. I can’t stand watching the ball get shuffled sideways.
Scott Barrett. (Photo by Hannah Peters/Getty Images)
Kick, if you must. But kick deep. Gain territory, assert defensive pressure.
What I do want to see is a pack that can go forward and it’s a sad state of affairs when replacement hooker Asafo Aumua is the only player who can breach the gainline and establish some momentum to play off.
Wallace Sititi is similarly damaging with all in hand, but we seem wedded to the idea of playing nondescript toilers such as Dalton Papali’i and Luke Jacobson instead.
Let’s say you’re an All Blacks fan. Someone who watches every game, reads about the team, follows the personnel news and takes an interest in the tactical side of test rugby.
Did you see anything different from this team on Saturday night? Or did it just look like every other game of the last six or seven years?
Were you disappointed by that? Or are you of the belief that the All Blacks have a method of playing that works and doesn’t need to be tinkered with?
The British & Irish Lions of 2017 showed that if you rush up on the All Blacks, they’re buggered.
Every team worth its salt has done the same since and, every time they do it, we have the same inability to adapt.
What’s worse, is we keep thinking we can beat them on the outside. Maybe that might work if we picked players in the right positions. Only we pick guys like Mark Telea to play on the left wing, when he’s far more at home on the right.
There were occasions when space was created for Telea to dart down the left hand side, only for him to cut back to where the traffic was.
That’s not his fault. That’s selectors opting to put a square peg in a round hole.
Take our playmakers. Beauden Barrett and Damian McKenzie are runners of the football.
Yes, there are other strings to their bow, but none as good as when they run at defenders. So what do we do with them? We get them to kick all night.
I’m no brain surgeon but, at least to me, the only way to combat a defence that’s rushing up at you, is to cart the ball forward.
That’s tight forwards, loosies, first five-eighths, everyone. Hard, straight and over the advantage line.
You recycle the ball quickly and then pick and go again and again and again. Eventually you’ll get in behind the opposition and then you can clear the ball to your outsides.
Only the All Blacks don’t seem willing or able to earn that right.
Occasionally a forward does slip a tackle and we’re treated to the tedious monotony of a halfback surveying all and sundry, rolling the ball back with their foot and then hoisting a kick that’s neither contestable nor capable of gaining any territory.
Saturday night’s putrid performance can’t be attributed to bedding in new combinations or absorbing new ideas, because this was the same old rubbish we’ve been watching for years.
The only thing new was the jersey, which should be put out to pasture as quickly as this gameplan.
This isn’t a good England team and yet they pushed the All Blacks to the brink of a humiliating defeat.
But, hey, it’s nice to know the players are loving life under Scott Robertson.