Here’s the thing about that headline. I know it’s dumb, and you know it’s dumb. I intentionally avoided searching for any reviews of Wolfs, not to see if others used a similar line, but to see how many did. Those writers know it’s dumb, too. But what we writers also know is that it’s exactly the headline this disappointing nothing-burger of a movie deserves.
Wolfs seems like a no-brainer on paper. George Clooney and Brad Pitt are back onscreen in a criminal caper, this time as a pair of Mr. Wolf-type fixers. It aims to be part Michael Clayton, part Ocean’s 11, and part Mr. & Mrs. Smith, helmed by writer/director Jon Watts (the MCU/Sony Spider-Man trilogy). Unfortunately, it misses all three marks. It’s not that Wolfs is bad. It’s an easy watch and almost makes for a great Saturday night, sipping whiskey, low-effort flick.
But it’s just so mediocre. The plot is thin and low-stakes, lacking the richness of Michael Clayton. Once we understand why the two fixers are called to the same mess, the plot unravels quickly—they have one thing to do, they do it, and then a ten-minute bit of extenuating plot is tacked onto the end. This isn’t a fatal flaw, as many good action/drama movies can make a rich experience out of a simple story.
However, Pitt and Clooney’s unnamed characters lack charisma—nowhere near the engaging, fun Ocean’s dynamic. Part of this is due to the character choices. Clooney’s wolf is mainly tasked with playing irritated and perturbed. While he’s fine in that mode, it’s overplayed—his character remains painfully one-note throughout the film’s 90-ish minute runtime. There’s a late scene where Clooney’s wolf gets a moment of fun, and it’s the closest he comes to shining. Otherwise, forcing his character to be so monotone feels like the wrong choice.
Pitt’s wolf is only slightly more dynamic. He’s allowed a bit more fun and a hint of bumbling (think a fraction of his glorious Burn After Reading performance). However, like Clooney’s character, we learn little about him as a person, and nothing hooks the viewer. It’s not that Pitt or Clooney are bad, per se. These roles only tap into about 10% of their respective strengths, and it feels like they’re only giving 10% in return.
That brings us to the third part of the mix, where the film lacks not just the charisma of Mr. & Mrs. Smith, but also the style and energy. Smith is slick, sexy, and fun. Wolfs, on the other hand, is drab and dull. It’s competently shot, with decent pacing and edits; there’s nothing to complain about technically. It’s just … there. Everything about this movie boils down to “it’s there.”
A friend recently pointed out how weirdly un-impactful the release of Wolfs has been. At first, I blamed Apple TV+’s marketing. As a streamer with some great content, they never seem to know how to market their shows and seem to stumble into success. But this feels different. This isn’t the kind of movie that leaves anyone excited. Nothing sticks. It’s like one of the titular wolfs [sic] comes into your brain right after watching and just wipes all evidence away.